Thephong by ThePhong :; the writer, the work & the like - autobiography by Thephong - 6

Thephong by Thephong ... - 6 - autobiography
Dai Nam Van hien Books, Saigon 1973




                       Thephong by Thephong:, the writer the work & the life
                                                 autobiography by Thephong



                                                                  CHAPITRE  FIVE

  

    On the cover of the poetry book Myself for hire are six angel like ants, my gracious quests in the first days of 1962.   While I boiled water to  prepare coffee, they came to alight on my head and neck.  I had always love animals and insects especially when loneliness fell on me.  When I sat sipping coffee, I found a letter near the door.   Lifting it I guessed it was poet Diễm Châu alias Phạm văn Rao who threw it in.   But the sender's name was Sao Trên Rừng alias Nguyễn đức Sơn.   I opened the cover and found a request for my introduction to his collection of First Love Poems*.  He also asked me to publish it.  I just could not make our why this youth knew for sure that I could come to see him at his house in Xóm Cỏ- Nguyễn bỉnh Khiêm St.   I had no intention of publishing books by those I  did not know well.  I had had a difficult time with poet Bùi khải Nguyên's new Eugene Inoesco  play translation already stenciled.  But when I ask him money, Bùi khải Nguyên answered that he did not want to have it published any more.  I surely did not know the caprices of this fellow.  I guessed that he was worried by my asking to pay the cost of printing and advertising.   Did he not know that I had no money ?  And poet Bùi khải Nguyên brought the stenciled matter home.  I burned two hundred covers of the play The Rhinoceros and felt extremely sad, acutely sensible to the grief of having lost a close friend.  And I thought I should find comfort in my new friend.  This was why I was willing to publish his book.  In my first visit I noticed that he lived very miserably in a hut.  Obviously pleased, he asked me my address for further contacts as I seldom came to Pham văn Rao's house. After reading the manuscripts I consented to print it, although there were problems to be solved about raising the necessary money.  Stencils would be obtained, I would borrow a typewriter, Miss Mỹ would be in charge of mimeographing.
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*   Những bài tình đầu (TR)

    Some days later, he came to see me in the evening.  He complained that he had no means to support himself any longer and asked to stay in my house as there would be enough room for both us.   I agreed to receive a poor fellow like myself.  Some time before, young writer Kiều ThệThủy came to pass the nights with me too.  I brought my new friend to a shop to have dinner.  He suggested that we could cook rice at home for the sake of economy. My house was wide and had a kitchen of its own. I tole the landlady that a cousin of mine came to live with me to get prepared for the coming Baccalaureate examination.   So, we cooked rice at home.  It was convenient for us as the rainy season would come very soon.

     He asked me to hasten the writing of the preface. Then, we came to a commercial school, I proposed to type on the spot. Damn it !   my request was turned down.  So I had to bring the young poet to Mr Nguyễn đức Quỳnh' s and asked him to let us use his typewriter . We came there twice a day.  The young poet read aloud the poems for me to type.   We spent hard times with a worn-out machine, I sometimes skipped a whole paragraph.  At last, we brought the stenciled matter home for Miss Mỹ. 
 A friendly printing-house offered to print the cover, and we had some reams of paper left at Miss Mỹ' s.  The printing-cost was not too high for us !  Another good thing was that she liked to take part in literary activities. The poet came from her hometown and was a close acquaintance of Chỉnh, her cousin.  One morning, when the books were already bound , he set out to distribute the copies to his friends.  I asked  journalist-poet Xuân Hiến to use his poems more frequently as this would give him additional money.  I also presented him to Đoàn Thêm as he could influence Bách khoa Magazine,  editor Lê ngộ Châu.  I readily admitted Sao Trên Rừng was a good guy and  live with me very difficult.  I was dictatorial to those around me, and I was always angry with all who were wrong, especially my younger friends.  He was sometimes chagrined by that.  These times, he used to climb the trứng cá  tree, saying nothing, looking soft and sad.  One day, he asked me one hundred piasters, all I could do then was to tell him to shift for himself.  When I dispatched him to Nguyễn minh Hiền for money to print the book of poetry, he took one hundred and spent it without telling me.  Once back home he bought for me two eggs and two bananas.  I scolded him for doing this, but I soon forget the whole thing.  Alas, I alone had to pay the rental, the printing of books, and the allowances for both of us ... Through me, he became acquainted with Lê xuân Khoa, Nguyễn minh Hiền and some others.  Prior to book delivery he was old to return to Xóm Cỏ -Nguyễn bỉnh Khiêm St. because I had to be in Mỹ tho for some days.  I promised to see him later. In fact, I was really broke and could not afford to support him any longer.  At least,  I had done everything possible to publish his book, I told myself.  I also had to face another urgent problem : I had to pay the landlord a little sum in the case I wish to stay on.   Nguyễn văn Ngơi' s mother remained in my house all the day long to wait for me to pay back her money.  But I refrained from returning.  Later she decided to take a harsher mesure - she threatened me to sue me.  I really couldn't give myself away so soon as I was penniless than . Two days later I paid  journalist -poet Xuân Hiến a visit and he disclosed that Sao Trên Rừng had cast blame upon me and came to borrow money from Đoàn Thêm.   Good Heavens !   If this were true, it meant that my young friend had imposed upon my kindness.   Fortunately, Mr Đoàn Thêm wanted  confirmation on my part.  I returned to Xóm Cỏ- Nguyễn bỉnh Khiêm St.   He looked at me in a kind of dread.   I told him to see me in the boarding house .  All this vexed me terribly.  When he met me in my house, I said,
' Why did you do like that ? Boy, I was hurt real bad today. Why didn' t you let me know your worry as I did ?  Don' t you know it is so bad to borrow money in the name of another. '  He tried to hide the truth until I took the letter he wrote to Mr Đoàn Thêm out of drawer.  He remained silent then said that he would sue me if I refused to give him twenty copies of his books.  I asked whether he had received twenty copies or not, he nodded but he added there was no legal proof for it.  I was so angry I reached out and slapped him accross the face and told him to get out of my sight. 
  I did not want to see a young man behaving like that.  Before fleeing he said, ' Do remember you have beaten me '. I answered , ' Yes.  Be sure not to come back in five years'.  I stood in the middle of the room, trying to imagine what had happened.

   When poet Nhị Thu came and heard this,  he proposed to punish this son of a bitch.  The following morning we set out to recuperate some hundred copies already distributed to the bookshop, tore the covers, and sold them to a bazaar.   Because I thought this young man had better not to write poetry, while he was so mean.  And I could not afford to be the publisher of his book even it had already been printed.  Later, journalist Nguyễn Ngu Í wrote in the weekly Văn Đàn that I failed to appreciated poetry as a critic.  All I could do then was to promise to let him know the whole matter in the future.  Every time I saw poet Sao Trên Rừng in the street and his trying to avoid me  I could not help laughing, thinking that my blow was sometimes quite necessary.  


                                                   ***

    The Tết festival that year was extremely sad.  I recalled pasts Tết festival in my house in Trương minh Giảng St. when I ate boiled chicken drank Beaujolais and talked all night.  When poet Diễm Châu alias Phạm văn Rao came to landlord disclosed I spoke French the whole evening, blaming President Ngô đình Diệm.  Phạm văn Rao stayed untill late in the night.  He came again on the first day of the year.  The day  before, I sat watching the sunflowers and evening came unnoticed.  Then there was a knock at the door.   It was artist painter Đinh Cường.  In the talk, Đinh Cường said that many Huế students were my readers and they did not feel guilty long it as Saigon students and there was rumor of my arrestation.  
I invited him to pay a visit to Lăng Ông Pagoda and that night he slept with me.  Đinh Cường knew me since the days in Lý thái Tổ St. , he sat in the late night helping me to bind the copies of  Post War Writers* until he was too tired to continue.  Đinh Cường then brought Duy Năng to see me and asked  me to preface the latter' s book of poetry entiled The Sleep on the Pass **.

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*  Nhà văn tiền chiến 1930-1945    ** Giấc ngủ chân đèo. (TR)   

     Unfortunately, he addressed me as mate in a time I could allow only a friend of many years' standing to do such a thing.  Duy Năng as a contributor to' s  Hanoi weekly Quê hương like me.   He sent articles by mail from his hometown Nha trang. We knew the names of each other but never met.  So Duy Năng's telling to artist painter Đinh Cường that he knew me well vexed me terribly.

   I did nothing about the manuscripts he handed. One day, I met Duy Năng and an officer I knew in the street.  He said, ' Hello'  and was familiar terms with me just like our first encounter.  I stared at him in astonishment .   He thought again that I really liked him.  He blurted out  triumphantly, ' Boy'  have you completed the introduction to my poems ? '.  My voice was calm and dry as I told him that I did not appreciate the way he spoke.  Lieutenant Trần hoài Châu tried his best to reconciliate us in order to avoid further paintful development.

     When artist painter Đinh Cường let me know Duy Năng was so drepressed he decided not to publish his book and stop writing were altogether. I felt  very sorry.  After rereading his poems, I felt convinced he had own language and it was a great pleasure to introduce him to the readers.  But, worrying about a matter of no importance, I had became disppointing to him .  I wrote to him an apologize.  I wrote twice and got no answer.  

    Probably, my fault was so great that it could not be forgive.


                                                      ***

    I could almost do nothing else than eat, sleep and stare at the red road in the Catholic Refugees ' Hamlet . I wrote  poetry and let mosquitos sing my bare back.  This was to me sign that I was still alive.  Here was the poem entitled Mid Afternoon  :

      ...  I took so long siesta I forget the dinner
           Do you remember, my love, the red road to the church
           Where there was on Easter Day a long procession 
                                                                                      of virgin girls
           Bearing flowers without fragrance on their heads.

           In mid-afternoon I already hung the mosquito-net
           While mosquitoes were singing happily around me
           It seemed they only liked to suck the blood of people
                                                                                                like me
           Who could afford to have lunch only and then lie down
                                                                                 for them to sting... 


     And another poem entitled The Century Old Wall : *

      ... I remember when I was a little boy
           Every time I had a cough
           My mother told me ro come to the doctor so that
                                                          might live until my 100 th year
           But I want to die when I am barely thirty one ...

    -----
      * Bức tường trăm tuổi
           TƯỜNG is the  real name of the author.  Translated, it means ' wall '. (TR)

     Fortunately I had rarely been sick since the day I left my mother I recall once I shot a high fever due to venereal disease, my temperature topped 104 degree and nobody gave me a drink.  I had to crawl to grab a cup of coffee left on the table some days before.  At the beginning of 1963, I incidentally made acquaintance with doctor-writer Nguyễn tuấn Phát.  He was so kind to me but I only came to him desperate situation.  I liked to go others.   Once,  I went do Dr Nguyễn hữu Phiếm in Trương minh Giảng St.  The old doctor had written many editorials about social reform.  After a couple of visits I noticed one thing.  He gave me Dectancyl  0, 05 in three days.   I bluntly told him this medecine had nothing to do with venereal diseases. Only then the old man gave me another prescription.  And urged me to come again.  Every time he got $ 100. I have never told this to anybody. In case you happen to read this, do remember it was a patient about thirty named Tường, who used to say,

  ' I have slept with a prostitute and I am unwell .  Doctor, I have one counsel to offer you.  Don' t bother to write any more !   Nobody likes your editorials in ' Mai 'and 'Bách khoa Magazines ', 'Chính luận Daily '. And stop  your most dirty pratice first !  But I congratulate you one thing, ' You are good at curing venereal diseases, when you really try '.

     As far as my teeth were concerned, I had a friend named Doãn đình Thái.  He had furnished me aritificial teeth.  I called him ' my docteur chirugien dentiste ' *.  One day I came to see him, but he wasn' t home.
  I left a message. His answer was a quatrain which I deemed worth recording here :

                           You are very good caligrapher
                           So, you should be a lady-killer
                           Do know this, my friend !
                           You'll suffer all your life .

    He was right.  Do you know, my 'docteur chirugien dentiste poète' *.
I have had only unhappy loves ?

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 *  In French in the text. (TR)

                                                            ( to be continued :  Chapitre six)

     Thephong