in a time of disturbance in saigon + trouble of mind / poems by the phong (uplifting poems/ dai nam van hien books, saigon 1971 -- this edition ; jan, 2012/ hcm city)

 uplifting poems
 published by dai nam van hien books,
 saigon 191-- hcm city 2012

                                                          p. 84   UPLIFTING POEMS/ THE PHONG

                                       In a time of Disturbance in Saigon
                                                                       by the phong


      1        
     It was noon,
     A big crowd in Saigon looked up
     The sun was turning purple,
            green,
            yellow
      Buddha was shedding tears
      I looked up too
          what was is happening
     (People sure talking of the age old prophetic of Trạng Trình ...)

       I was a misty morning in Dalat
       The pilgrims
          from anywhere
          were climbing Lang Biang Heights
     A story was spreading
          any disease could be cured
          by fire and incense
     Standing at the top
     I looked at the swarming crowd
     True,
          our life today was too tiring
          people would go anywhere for some help
     all of us were as the edge of an unfathomable abyss ...

     Oh my girl student I met by chance
    What do you have
          if it' s not love my dear
    We need many things
        a hell of a lot of things
        things will be worse
        before they are better
    Love is a pressing as freedom
        from hunger and thirst
       without it my life is a nullity, a void ...


    I hope
        you' ll share my faith in our land
    Our faith in the future of each of us
    You' ll be back
        you' ll be with me
    Love
        real love
    is what we need
    I' ts all we ever need
    This shabby land
         should be destroyed by fire or by water or both
    We' ll build the sun anew
    once the river had flown
          it will be never roll back same again.


     Oct. 30, 2963


    Yes,
         predestined encounter
    I was hunted by you
       week after week
    Now in hot, sweaty Saigon
        my heart is still in cool Dalat
    I am thankful for all that
         even if I am stripped of possessions
    O would give all
         for that precious encounter
    (When we shared our companion for our wretched land
          it really uplifted me)
    How I hope
         to see again


    2
    I was right
          Saigon was as sad as a graveyard
   Alas,
           poor people were making love
           even when they had empty bellies
    I had been without a woman
           for a long, 
                long time

    So at night
       I kept thinking of strange words ...
    An eighteen year old girl
          talked of sex
                as expertly as a doctor
     Even when she was only a hairdresser
    "My being at home
        at night
              was not necessary
    My stepfather
        would try to seduce me
        he was a horrible man ...
     I want to follow my love
       who has never pressed about marriage
     As  far as Dalat to pass the night together
     We will be warm,
         we will be cold
               And forget
         all, all, all ...
    I want to follow any man
    I am thinking of dead young men
         who will never come back
    My presence
          in the family 
             at night
                  is not necessary at all."


    3
    My mates
         have gone
              I am left alone
                    in this dark, mean place
     Where has the red sun gone
           I have not seen
                the student again


    Now I am worrying
         where will my next meal come from
     Life is so difficult
          a small cup of coffee
               has become a luxury
     Apart from this
          I cannot believe what I read
               what I am told
     I' m so miserable
         I have no tears left

     (The people in the West re so mature)

     We are so childish
           in spite of our long history
     We are so weak
          we depend on outside aid too much
     We are so immature
          we dare not have cool look
               at ourselves
     (Anyway my simple remedy is as follows)


     Let us take care of ourselves
          we are sick of advice
               no counsel no nothing
     let us refuse any aid as long as we are not equals
     (Two lovers who share the same bed
            but have different dreams
                would do better to part)

     Just let us
          live on our own
     So that we can be ourselves


     It is noon
     The people of Saigon are looking at the sun
     They wait
        All of us wait.

      Saigon, Oct. 30, 2963



                                                          Trouble of Mind


     I'm troubled when you are by y side
     It' s a good thing -- then I don' t feel any sadness
     I feel as young as an eighteen year old boy
     When I look at myself in your bright eyes
     You' re off today,
         I am alone in this highland


     Everything is mute,
          not sound is heard
           my soul is following you
     I only hope there will be moments you think of me
     I known
          I know
          you' re just a plain girl
     But I cannot put you out of my mind
     Late noon
          the car moves up the slope
     I' m standing here
          feeling the future hold for us
     When you' re with me I forget all,
          all,
          all.
     I forget the wretched land which is ours
     I forget all,
          all /
          all ?


     It' s raining
       It' s raining hard and strong
          I' m sleeping soundly

     O my girl now
           that you' re over nineteen.

       Dalat, 1963

       Thephong

      (p. 80- 87   Uplifting Poems)

                                                        (to be continued)